The idea for the subject matter for this podcast sprung from a general conversation I was having with Agnes about some of the behavioural issues she was having in the classroom (she was a trainee teacher), which got on to how to handle the specific issue of children and “devices”.

 

During the conversation she made the point that I had never had to contend with “devices” as a parenting issue because they only became widespread as she and her sisters were reaching their early and mid teens. And while that was true, in discussing the issue of “devices” we realised that it was possible to come to a reasonable strategy for tackling the issue based on some sound principles of parenting. We agreed that it was probably the case that “devices” were just the latest example of a type of issue that parents had always had to face one way or another in their dealings with their children.

 

Agnes suggested that it would be a good idea if I were to write down what I believed to be these “principles of parenting” simply so that when grandchildren came around “we won’t have to keep ringing you, Dad”. I gave it a go, but a blank sheet of paper and a host of thoughts and memories were too intimidating. A little later the idea came up again in conversation and Lotti suggested a vlog as an answer to the problem of a blank sheet of paper and unorganised thoughts.

 

We bought a camera, a microphone and some editing software; talked a lot about how the vlog should be filmed, and how the content should be structured; painted a couple of the walls in the flat white to get more of a “studio” look and feel; and put about 6 “tapes in the can”, as it were.

 

We got some good feedback but neither me nor Lotti were convinced. There was something “preachy” about the tone of the videos, and we thought that maybe it was to do with the fact that she was throwing me questions about parenting and I was doing my amateurish best to answer them lucidly and convincingly. We realised that what we had to say would come out better if it came out in a more natural conversation, and that it would be more convincing (and entertaining for the listener) if it came out from the natural relationship between me and Lotti.

 

And so we switched to the podcast format. This was a big step for Lotti because she had been reluctant to be a “performer”. For the first one (not the “introduction” episode, which is officially our “worst” one) we simply started with a “parenting” incident she had witnessed in a local cafe, which was exactly how me and Agnes had begun all them months ago - just talking about parents (adults) having to deal with children. We took the precaution of talking about the incident before we committed to a recording, but other than that there was no rehearsing.

 

When we listened to the recording it was immediately obvious that the resulting conversation was far more natural than any of the our vlog recordings. We were pleased that there was a balance between our contributions, and we were mightily relieved that somehow we had managed most of the time to stick to the point and not let ourselves wander away from the topic in hand. We still hated the sound of our own voices - of course!

We decided that for the first few episodes we would listen to the previous episode and begin the new episode by discussing anything that had cropped up for either of us from the previous episode. Then we would discuss a new topic via an incident that either of us had witnessed since the last recording. We thought that this method would provide the episodes with some linking narrative for the listener. After some 4 or 5 recordings, Lotti decide it was time to start at the beginning.

 

Who are we?

 

There’s me, the Dad, and there’s Lotti my eldest daughter and she has three sisters. When Lotti was 11 years old, my wife and I separated but we decided that we would share equally the upbringing of the children. The result was that we lived in houses close to each other and had a schedule where we did half the working week each and every other weekend. This meant that we both had to deal with washing school uniforms, homework, cooking tea etc.

 

When we were talking about the idea to get down on record some parenting principles, it came up that about half my career as a parent had been as one half of a conventional couple, and the second half of my career had been as a ‘single dad’, and what I had never been was a ‘single parent’

 

We thought that my career of solo parenting as a dad and dual parenting as a dad, but never single parenting, would give my views on parenting an unusualness that would set them apart from views normally found on the internet. For myself, the chance to bring up my daughters for the second half of their childhood with little influence from another parent, but without the all-consuming physical and mental demands of being a full-time single parent, were an amazing opportunity to be myself with my children, an opportunity very few men get. And, of course, I would never have had this opportunity if the children’s mother hadn’t played her full part in keeping her side of the bargain for nearly 15 years.

 

Where are we now?

 

We are close, all of us. It’s great. We are all very different and leading different lives,but we are close and supportive.

 

Officially the four girls are from a broken home: I would like to think that you can’t tell.

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